One hour 8 mins to go. When did I become a clock-watcher? I know when, and worse, I know why, but there's nothing to be done about that now. I could be doing so much more with my time right now but I'm too exposed here to be able to do as I want without people seeing things they probably shouldn't. Thankfully, most people see me typing away and just see me typing, not what I'm actually typing although there is always that risk I suppose. I really want to lie down and sleep right now, but I can't cos I have to be in work for another hour and 7 minutes.
I could be cleaning out my bedroom right now, not dealing with the idiot I share an office with. I could be sorting out my paper work. I could be writing my OU assignment. I could be preparing my PRR. I could be cooking dinner. I could be doing any number of things. Instead, I am sat at my desk, clock watching.
There is a certain feeling that comes over me sometimes, a feeling that I could quite happily put my hands around a certain someone's neck and start squeezing until they Just. Shut. The. Hell. Up. Even the sound of their voice is sending shudders of horror and tenseness down my spine right now. I just want everyone to shut up, leave me in peace and quiet. If I have to be here for another hour and two mins, then let it be in peace rather than noise. Please for the love of God, let it be in peace.
So I need to focus on something nice and good and happy right now. I will go home and put some salmon in the oven, I think, with Mediterranean veggies and mashed potato for dinner. After dinner I will be taking a nap before heading to the gym for my PT session. After the session, I will have a nice long shower and get into snuggle clothes for the walk home. Once home, I will go to bed. I will get a good night's sleep and I will start tomorrow cool and calm, serene and peaceful, just as I started this morning. I will not let this pile of crap get to me. I will not let other people grind me down. I will not let the snide comments and asides force me to become someone I am not. I am better than this and I know it.
And somewhere, somewhen, I will finally find the job that suits me, that I enjoy, that fulfils me. Somewhere, somewhen. It could be a song, couldn't it? But it will happen for me. Or else I'll win the Lotto........and not have to worry about any of this every again!
I do so sympathise. The workplace can become a prison when your colleagues get under your skin as you can't just walk out waving a cheery goodbye. There's a bit in a book I loved as a child (The Painted Garden by Noel Streatfeild) where one of the characters is being undermined and got at by one of the others. She's advised to imagine he's a chipmunk eating his nuts when he's talking to her. I always try that one if someone's really getting to me - and it sort of works!
ReplyDeleteI thought your post was fabulously well-written. It was engaging and so clearly written in the here-and-now that I wanted to keep reading.
My first comment!! thank you for your comment - I hope you enjoy reading the rest of the posts :)
ReplyDelete