Monday feckin Monday

My weekend....well it was dodgy. I drove up after my phone interview on Fri. Interview went well, I think, the HR woman liked me enough to say she'd send on the online testing thing (numerical, verbal reasoning, psychological tests, that sort of malarkey) so that was good. What wasn't good was getting to Al's and managing to stay up for one hour, then falling asleep to the most horrific nightmare – I dreamt Al was dead and I was left with a little baby (a girl with ginger hair) and no milk. I woke up bawling and poor Al didn't know what was wrong with me.......so we decided on a night in front of the telly after that and I was in bed again by 11. Saturday I slept til about midday, then Al bought me lunch in Wetherspoons and I bought a bottle of wine in Sainsburys for the night. Another early bed, but I don't remember getting to bed (after one glass of wine cos I spilt my second one!!) Sunday pretty much stayed in bed until it was time to come back to Salisbury, then got in the bath, stayed there, fended off Ma and Da til tonight, collapsed into sleep and spent a lot of the night stopping and starting with sleep. Trying to stay off caffeine today in an attempt to sleep tonight. Realised at the weekend my doc only gave me a prescription of a half dose of fluoxetine and not the full dose and I don't know if it was a mistake or not, so I'm stressing about that and I've only got 4 sleeping tablets left and I'm still not sleeping without them.

 

Add to that the fact that the guy in the office with me is being so aggravating it's not funny and I am ready to kill him already – it's only 3 hrs into the working week. Even when he's on the phone with someone else, I'm getting this urge to put my hands around his throat and get him moving. Or at least shut him up. And going for a walk to calm down is probably not the best of ideas when I'm feeling dopey and miserable with a splitting headache and general misery. So, I'm trying to stay off caffeine today and drinking lemsip to give me a hot drink and paracetemol, just need to survive til 4:45 then I can collapse.

 

Mondays suck.

1500 pageviews....

........and yet only two comments, one of which was for me. It's a good job I write this blog for me rather than anyone else!! :)

Well today went well I think. I got a good vibe from the company, I got a good rapport going with the people interviewing me, anything I didn't understand I asked for clarification, all in all they seemed happy enough with me. I think from the body language and the words language they were using I did well. We'll see.

I also met a friend for lunch - well a latte and a cake - and I'm now on a sugar high. No need for dinner tonight!!! I feel good for that and I've had a chat with Ma and Da - who know nothing about the interview - so I feel pretty good all in all. Plus I thought the top I was wearing was a size 18, but it was actually a size 16!!! so WOW I didn't think a size 16 would even go on me - maybe my dream of being a size 16 on my wedding day isn't completely out of reach after all.

I'm going to try and get a story finished to put up tomorrow - I feel the need for a  story now. It's been a while and on my course we're doing poetry which just isn't as much fun!! :)

The night before an interview...

.....and I'm curiously not worried. I think it's cos I'm not too pushed about the job - I'm more looking at this as interview practice, rather than an actual interview. it's weird, I know, but hey - I'll take it as I can get it. Ordinarily, I'd be so happy about a lie on in the morning, but I dn't think I will be lying on at all. I think I'll be up bright and early.......

I had some more bad news today - my PT is moving to London so I won't be able to see him anymore. :( Not a happy me about that!!

So, I think it's nearly bedtime. I've done a lot of positive stuff over the last few days and I'm feeling really happy about myself. I did the day without carbs as well today. It was an experiment and I think it's one I'll repeat on occasion - I feel pretty good..........all in all.

So tomorrow - up, trampoline, breakfast, shower, dress, gather paperwork, in car, get petrol, head to interview. Wish me luck!!

Constant tiredness

OK so the sleeping pills are working - I'm sleeping most of the night. If I do wake up, I'm waking up and then going back to sleep again. Either is good. But I'm constantly yawning. So I'm thinking I need to get some more fresh air.I'm debating and churning over the idea of going for a quick 20min walk every morning before work to get the day started right, but I'm unsure cos a) it's still dark out and b) that means actually getting out of bed on time every morning. It might be worth it though if it means I start the day feeling refreshed instead of yawning all the time.

In other news - the no-snacking is going well. The no-spending is also going well. I've left my wallet at home so far this week and it's working well. Far too often I get the urge for chocolate or for a snack or whatever and with my wallet not there, I can just get over it. Well I have no choice, I have to get over it. I'm not going begging money from the lads! So the wedding planning for my weight loss is going well.

I've got an interview on Thursday as well - I hope it works out!! I've had to take a day off work so it better be worth it. It'll mean a long commute until I can move, but that's not the end of the world - driving time means less time for eating, right? It would be a good company to work for, so maybe, maybe.....plus Al has friends near there, housing is cheaper there, all in all it would be a good move.

things in work are getting worse. I'm really starting to dread going in every morning now. It's like nothing is good enough - nothing. My boss was stressing today cos the uptime figures were too good??? I've never had that complaint before!! Honestly. it's ridiculous.

On the other hand, I've got a ticket for the Euromillions so maybe that will come in :) I can always hope right! Ah screw it, I'm pulling on my sports bra and going on the trampoline for a bit. Work off some more fat.........

This weekend passed too quickly

It's already Sunday evening and I'm feeling like there should be loads more to the weekend somehow? Anyway, I do have a pile of things to sort out in the corridor before I go to bed - most of them are old folders that need to be dumped/sorted/whatever and just make the space for something else. I also need to decide what to do with my old OU books. For courses that I will use again like the HSE ones and stuff, I want to keep them, but for the arts courses.....well I may need to say goodbye.

In other news, I've worn my magic 'hotpants' workout shorts for most of the day and I did an hour of various exercises as well today. Well it was probably more than an hour but I managed one circuit of Jillians 30 Day Shred - it's harder than I remembered - and some time on the Wii and generally bouncing on the trampoline. I think the trick might be to just sleep in my sports bra and do the trampoline first thing. I might try that tonight. It would mean I a) have to get out of bed ontime and b) have to shower every morning before work. Neither of which is a really bad thing.

I've also caught up on my uni work and I've done some baking (flapjacks and english muffins) so I feel better about myself. So for now - I'm off to slice up my pork for dinner, stir fry some veg to go with it and settle in for an evening of sorting out old paperwork........

200 days left until the wedding.........

201 days

I realised that today I have 201 days until my wedding. This means it's time to get serious. I've got a fortnight before my next (and hopefully final) dress trying on session. I'd like to lose some inches from my stomach before then so I can say I'm at least a size 18........Yes it will be tough but I reckon I can do it.

So the focus of the blog (yeah I know, what focus :)) is going to change. I'm going to make it my wedding journal for now. There'll still be the life moans, the declutter moans and all the rest of it, but from now on, I'm going to put more dedicated wedding posts on here. Every step I take towards the wedding will be logged. for example today:

- I sent my engagement ring back to the jewellers to have my wedding band designed.
- I made an appointment for my next dress trying on session
- I arranged with my bridesmaid to come down for the dress trying on session
- I've finalised the date of the hen do and started alerting people
- I've logged all my food today
- I've done two hours of exercise in front of the telly.

So all in all, today was a good day for wedding preparation. I've just measured myself in inches and I could do with losing 6inches off my hips and stomach. so I think Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred is going to be coming out again. She's a complete cow but she does lose inches for me!!

So right now, I'm going to sip some water while watching Stella, get the DVD out for the morning and prepare myself for a few months of healthy eating and exercise. I even got the treadmill out again tonight and I managed it, although I think to make it better I'll need to lose another few stone :)

o -healthy eating to lose the weight, exercise to tone up and build some muscle. Here we go. 201 days to lose 2 dress sizes - totally doable right?

Payday

At last!!! OK so i've already spent about £55 but that was on food for the month and some vital office supplies. I was decently enough restrained. and I've got plenty of meat for the month for a change - well plenty of meat by my standards anyway.

Also - I took my docs advice and took a sleeping tablet last night. I slept. I slept for 8hrs. I was lovely. I've just had a 90min nap as well. I feel so much better. Today's aim was to do a lot of cooking - I've got venison stew (£2.50 for 500g!!!) on the slowcooker and chicken casserole in the oven. I'm about to make myself a crumble or something or possibly some muffins, just to add in a bit of luxury to my night. Plus I have the makings of pizza as well :D

Plan for the rest of the day: spend some time baking to make myself something nice to eat. Fold all the dry laundry and put it away. Empty out under the spare room bed. Box up the clothes I'm getting rid of, otherwise fit everything into the suitcase under the bed. Bag up all the paper and bring it to the skip.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym and sweating, plus get in the pool. just to break the ice for 2012. And keep on top of the laundry. And hoover. Probably dust. Am I getting obsessed by housework????

Virus, sleep and other problems

It's been a rough few days. I'm not sleeping. Well I am - I'm sleeping until about 3am and then waking up and not being able to sleep. It's getting ridiculous. Because I'm getting to sleep, I'm not considering the sleeping tablets, but I'm not sleeping the night through. I've had two half days off work this week because of it. I'm exhausted. I think I'm actually too tired to sleep now.

In other news - well it's payday on Friday and I'm so broke it's not funny. I've got less than no money. I need to extend the frugality thing for at least another few months. So minimum spend for now. Although it's going to be difficult, with everything that's coming up, but frankly, I need the discipline or we're never going to pay for the wedding!

Added into all this, my boss gave me this spiel today about how me taking the odd day off doesn't bother him, but it looks really bad and how there's going to be redundancies soon. I did try to tell him it wouldn't be the end of the world if i lost the job, but he's not sure he could function without me so it's stressing him out.

All in all, I have tomorrow to get through then I have 3 days off. I can do that. Plus in that three days, I have the chance to get back on top of sleeping and things. And I can sort out the spare room a bit. All these things are good. But I have to go try and sleep now before I fall asleep on the couch!!!

Blue Monday

So apparently today is the most depressing day in the year. I can well believe it. It felt this morning like a truck hit me. I just did not want to get out of bed, never mind go into work.

I made it in, I did what I needed to do, but I came home before lunch cos I was so miserable and rough. I slept most of the afternoon and woke up still feeling bad. Obviously something needs to be done. This evening I will finish setting up my study desk in my room and get the iCMA for my OU course done. That will be one load off my mind even if I don't get the best results in the world. As long as it gets done, that's what's important.

Once that's done, I will make myself some soup for dinner and tomorrow's lunch. It won't take much and it will make me feel better. I think I need some extra positivity today so here goes.

1) I made it into work
2) I did what was needed before I came home.
3) I listened to my body and came home
4) I washed up this morning
5) I made myself lunch
6) I had breakfast
7) I found a parking space
8) I got some tablets


Only 8, but better than nothing. I'm off to move my body now - it might help me shake off this malaise, or it might not. Who knows?

Kurt Cobain is NOT God

I'm a huge Nirvana fan. I've loved Kurt Cobain since I was 14. He was a great musician and it was a huge loss to this world when he decided to kill himself. But here's the thing. He's not God. He was a musician. He was a bloody awesome musician. But looking at the documentary on BBC4 right now, it seems like people tihnk he was God. he wasn't. He wasn't Jesus either. He wasn't an angel - not as I understand the term anyway.

But he spoke to me. I know - he wrote to himself, he wrote to a generation, it wasn't me personally. But his music still speaks to me. It still reaches out and lulls me to sleep when insomnia hits me. It still lets me release tension and anger when I need it to. This is my contribution to the memories of his death.  I'll admit freely I wasn't a Nirvana fan when he died. But I was a few months later. I hope you enjoy this.

That man got me through my teenage years. He was an idiot for killing himself and the world lost something great, but then, the man himself said something along the lines of, 'It's better to burn out than fade away.' Of course he was also involved in an anti drugs campaign with the line 'You need drugs like a hole in the head' so maybe he's not the person to follow rigidly........

Kurt Cobain Died

The tinny sounds of Smells Like Teen Spirit

Pumping from eleven walkmans, after lights

Out when all was meant to be quiet and

Still. Dave Fanning crooning in our young ears.

The news came in; eleven young voices

Joined in a mass groan and wail: he was dead?

Walking down Retreat Lane heading in

To town. Voices hushed, disbelieving, lost.

Cutting through Mel’s, strictly forbidden for

Students but a rule frequently ignored.

I didn’t care – mine was trad music, not

Grunge. Not until later did I convert.

But I was in love with Sarah Harty

And she loved him, so I grieved with her and

Faked shock and tears until finally I

Fell in love with him too. So began my

Obsession, still ongoing. Nirvana.

100th post

Wow I didn't expect that to happen today. I just logged on to check my stats (you know I'm not sure I like that feature of blogspot these days - there are times I can get obsessive about it!!) and there you go - 99 posts already. Next one (this one) is 100.....well it was a challenge right there wasn't it.

On the plus side, I slept for 11hrs last night - who says cleaning isn't worthwhile. I'm having a lazy hour or two before starting on my clothes, but I am determined to have the under beds cleared out by tonight and the two big gardening shelving units broken down to take to the dump. Even getting rid of all my old/wrecked/faded/unwearable knickers will probably make a massive impact. In fact that might be my first job - bag up all the dodgy knickers. easy to do, get it sorted, and that's a massive amount of space made for myself. Then pick one shelf and go through it the same way. Then do the bras, then another shelf, then the socks, then another shelf - this will go easily.

Most of the bagged up clothing under the beds can go straight in the charity box - they're bagged up for a reason. I will check cos there are a few sentimental items in there I want to keep but for the most part, I'll just say goodbye. Plus, most of it can be done in the lovely wide open space that is now my living room - I have space there to spread out and sort through.

I'm feeling energised, I'm feeling determined, I'm feeling focussed.

I will do this. :D

Update on the weekend

Yesterday's list was all done except for checking out the shop in town that takes second hand clothes. I haven't done Sat's list yet, but I have sorted out the living room.And when I say sorted out, I mean seriously sorted out. I've emptied the presses, I've dusted, I've filled two bin bags with rubbish and brought it to the dump, I've got the car packed to dunp a load of stuff at the charity shop and I've moved a bookcase from the bedroom to the living room to allow my study desk to go in there. That will allow more room for Al and his stuff in the living room.

Now I just have odds and ends to tidy up in the living room and that's the kitchen, bathroom and living room sorted. There's a pile of folders in the kitchen I need to put away, but that's fine.

I'm exhausted but there's only about ten more minutes of stuff to sort out. I can do this. I'm gonna try and change the bed as well cos it needs it and that means I can sleep in fresh sheets tonight. That would be nice. There will probably be a bath in the running tonight as well cos I definitely need it.

I'm feeling quite proud, even if I've not made any money this weekend through selling something, but I have done a lot of other things. Oh and I managed to empty one of the big shelving units I was hoping to get rid of.

So right now - I'm making a mug of hot chocolate and finishing up the living room. That means bagging up the last of the charity clothes/books, starting another rubbish bag and hoovering the floor.

Then I will box up the books in the bedroom I've decided are going to charity and put them in the car as well. Then I'll change the bed. Then I'm getting in the bath. By that point, I'll probably go to bed.

This is worth it. I know it is, It just feels like crap cos I'm getting rid of so much that is me......

This weekend

I need a plan for this weekend. There's a lot I intend to get done, so it needs to be slick and moving. Also, I think keeping as busy as possible is the way forward to stop me a) spending money and b) getting depressed.

 

So, today.

1) Go to next to pick up order

2) Go to tesco to get batteries and strong bin bags

3) Check out clothes shop in town to see what clothes they will take in to sell

4) Finish wrapping Christmas presents

5) Store Christmas presents in one box at the top of the stairs

6) File all paperwork

7) Sort through magazines – cut out recipes I want to keep and throw away everything else

8) Fold clothes in kitchen and put in spare room

9)Wash and put away delph in kitchen

10) Sweep and wash floor in kitchen

11) Clean cooker hob

12) Fold dry towels and put on one basket in bathroom

13) Line up worn/old towels for donations

14) Take second basket and sort out toiletries – spare shampoo, conditioner, shower gels etc.

15) Sweep and mop bathroom floor

 

That's quite a lot of stuff to do today but most of it is quick and easy rather than long and drawn out. Plus I want to be absolutely exhausted tonight so I have no choice but to sleep.

 

Saturday

1) Change bedding

2) Put all laundry in a basket and start washing

3) Drag all clothes from under beds, drawers, hangers, storage areas

4) Throw out anything under a size 18 (unless it was v.v. expensive)

5) Throw out all mismatched sock, dodgy knickers, bras I don't wear

6) Try on the rest. Anything that fits and feels good, gets to stay and be put away. Anything that doesn't come within 0.5" of fitting – thrown out. Ditto anything that doesn't feel good.

7) Put all remaining clothes away tidily

8) Hoover bedroom

9) Dust bedroom

 

That doesn't sound like a lot for Saturday but it really is. I know how many clothes I have.......also by the end of it, I want my wardrobe to fit in the hanging rail and the chest of drawers, with possibly the wicker baskets for underwear. Plus the clothes also include the shoes. I'm fairly certain there are still a fair few shoes I can sell on/get rid of.

Sunday will be the living room. By this stage all the filing will be done and there will be no clothes in the living room, so it should look a lot better than it does now. There is loads of storage in that room, but I don't use it to its full potential.

1) Clear off study table and reorganise with pens that work, paper, notebooks, study materials.

2) Move both couches and clear out underneath them.

3) Clear off shelf under window – all sorts of junk here and it needs to be sorted into 'keeping' or 'throwing away'. Charity/dump – both count as long as 'throwing away' gets it out of the house straight away.

4) Empty the cupboards under that shelf to a) see what's in them and b) see what I can get rid of. I'm not sure about a lot of things in there, but it needs to be emptied so I can start storing things in appropriate spaces.

5) Dust living room

6) Hoover living room

 

If I have the time (or energy!!) over the weekend I'd also like to look at the following.

1) Getting rid of the two big garden shelving units I'm currently using for clothes

2) Getting rid of enough books to get rid of the two bookcases that are damaged/broken

3) Sort out my books so I know what I have

4) Going through the kitchen and listing what's there and what I can make with what's there.

5) Planning out some meals for the next few weeks – including things Al will like for the weekends.

 

Wow so long message there. I'll print this out as well so I have something to tick everything time I do something this weekend. I may even have to part with my OU stuff as well. That will be sad, but  just don't have the space anymore so something has to give.

Today was difficult

I hardly slept last night. I slept from 7pm to 11pm and then was awake all night. I did get a lot done - hung the washing out, cooked up a storm, washed up, that sort of thing, but it was a real struggle today in work. Still, I got through it.

Plus, I finally got the courage to look at my bank account and sort that out. I changed over the money from euros to sterling so I have a few quid for the rest of the month now. Not much, but enough to live on. Next month is going to be tight as well, but afte that things will get easier. That's a load off my mind.

I've stuck to my food plan again today - although I didn't need all the food I had planned, I just wasn't as hungry today as I was yesterday. So, risotto for lunch tomorrow, probably noodles for dinner. Then I need to stock up on porridge for the rest of the month cos I'm running low.

I finished one of my de-cluttering books today. It confirmed what I thought - i'm clinging to old clothes and clutter because I'm afraid to let go. I may have to let go - just let go of it all. Why am I keeping it? It's not worth anything and frankly, it's not worth it for my sanity. So I've decided to have a massive clear out - whether it goes to charity, to the dump, whatever, it's going.

Right, it's coming up to half nine and I promised myself I'd stay awake until now (woohoo done!!) so I'm off to rinse out my mug and get my glass of water for the night and go to bed.

First working day of the new year

I'm feeling fed up. I've been in work a mere 2.5hrs and I'm already thing of how many hours left until hometime. I need something to occupy me. There's only so long I can spend staring at excel spreadsheets pretending to be doing something and I'm already fed up. No work going on cos of the gale force winds, so nothing really to be done as a maintenance department –winds also mean we can't get on with the stuff we would normally dive into with production being stopped.

 

Plus my stomach is doing its usual 'back-at-work' thing of pretending to need more food just cos I'm sat at a desk. Water being sipped, nearly time for another coffee, 3hrs til lunch.

 

Oh well, I'm sure I'll find something to entertain myself with – it's not the best start to the New Year though. Maybe I'll work on my positive thinking and get a few personal things sorted while it's quiet..........

 

There's always stuff I can do, I know that. I just need to pull myself out of the doldrums and get motivated but it's hard when the weather's lousy and I'm bored and I just want to go home to bed. I'm already thinking of ways I can have a few days off without getting too mired in loss of holidays or too much sickness. This is bad, it's really, really bad.

 

So things I can do:

- work on my CV/ application forms

- work on my TMA that's due in 2 days

- work on my plan for the year

- outline how I will tidy the house this weekend

- prepare for next week's food

 

I can do this and make today a productive day in the office. Even if it's technically personally productive and not otherwise.......

New Year, New me

Happy New Year!!!!

I meant to post yesterday but Al was ill, so I spent most of the day looking after him. I say looking after, I mean, going to the shop for him, feeding him, that sort of thing. So today is the start of my new life.

Here's what I pledge for 2012:

* I will give myself a challenge a week for the entire year. I've already bought a small diary that will fit in any handbag to keep with me at all times to do this.
* I will keep my journal. I've bought a cheap notebook to log my days - this will start by being the 'positivity' list but may develop into something else over time. It will be mine though.
* I will be a size 16 on my wedding day.
* I will keep posting and tackle this year head on.

OK as new year resolutions go, they're probably not the most onerous ever, but they're mine. And I will stick to them.

So to start off.

This week's challenge is to make a food plan for the week and stick to it.

Sounds easy right? It's not, but I will do it. 52 challenges, that's 52 steps to a healthier, happier me.They won't all be health, but might be money or fitness, or housework or anything...........but they will be challenges for me.

Happy New Year everyone and here's to a bloody good year!!!