I'm going to try on wedding dresses today. I've made an appointment and everything. I'm dreading it. I hate clothes shopping at the best of times and this is a piece of clothes shopping where everyone wants an opinion. Even complete strangers feel they can comment when you're trying on wedding dresses.
OK it's meant to be a happy occasion, but it's really not one for me. I hate trying on clothes when I'm this size. I don't mind it when I'm an 18 or at 16 it becomes almost a pleasure but not quite. When I'm wearing size 20 clothes, clothes shopping is hell. Added to all this, wedding dresses are sized smaller than other clothes so today I will be trying on sizes 22-26 probably – even more of an ego boost, right? What does it matter when all's said and done? I can guarantee you only a skinny girl will say that.
The size of your wedding dress, the size of your body on your wedding day, will haunt you forever. It's a big deal, it's more than that, it's a HUGE deal. Those photographs, no matter how flattering, will show you the truth – your husband is a good 6-12inches smaller around the waist than you are. In my case I think it's a bit more than that. So what to do? I want to get this whole wedding dress thing out of the way to be honest. The sooner I find a nice dress (preferably in a sale!) the sooner I can forget about it for 12 months. I mean, yes, I want to lose weight and yes, I want to look slim on my wedding day, but frankly I have too much else to worry about before I can focus on losing weight. This week just getting out of bed has been taking all my energy.
On the plus side, I have a free weekend this weekend. So maybe it's time I took some time out and started trying to figure out what's important to me. Is losing the weight and looking good for the wedding important? Or is just living my life in a cave more important? What would it take for me to be happy?
Will the perfect wedding dress make or break the day next year? Will that day be the happiest day in my life? I hope not to either question. If the happiest day of my life happens when I am only 32, then what on earth have I to look forward to after that?
So maybe I should stop putting pressure on myself about this wedding dress. Maybe I should just go along and see how things look on me and take it as an opportunity to experiment and see how things go. So in four hours time I'll be lining up outside the shop, girding my loins, seeing what's there and what can fit and away with me. Who knows- it might even be fun!
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