More than a week

OK so it's been over a week since I posted and there's been some reasons for that.

My depression is back full tilt. Evenings are spent on the couch alternatively crying and eating. neither of which is particularly good for me.

Days are spend zombie-like in work. There's a lot of stress on at the minute and things are not going well. there's all sorts of politics and crap and none of it is helping me or my mental health.

I've had to cancel half my holiday in a few weeks time cos my boss booked holiday at the same time and there's things going on that one of us at least should be here for. I'm angry about that cos he did the same thing in the summer and it means that Al and I won't have a holiday together this year now. It's making me worry about my honeymoon next year as well. That's been booked for over 8months so by the time the honeymoon actually comes round it will be 18months, but I'm not sure if he'll honour that either.

Al is going into survival mode cos he can't think of any other way to survive - but it means he's not being helpful or supportive of me really. I know why, I just wish he could separate what's happening to him and my situation. I've tried to shield him from all the work stuff, but it slipped out earlier in the week. Now I'm worried I'm taking too much on myself and am unable to keep going.

So there we go. I'm taking tomorrow off work - I've put a holiday slip in, but whether it's signed or not I'm not going in. I need a day at home to sort the flat out and get it into a shape that I can maintain again. once it's tidy, it's easier to keep tidy - if that makes sense to anyone but me!! It means a few trips to charity shops and the tip, but it will be worth it.

Job hunt is ongoing -I'm applying left, right and centre for jobs. I hope to get one soon........otherwise things will be difficult here for a while. Especially if my colleague that I trust leaves me.

For now? Get up, get dressed, go to work, survive, come home. Prepare for weekend. And breathe. Remember to breath. It's important!!