Feeling really fed up

I've decided today is going to be a better day. Last night, I went home, sat on the couch and ate. Now when I say ate, I mean ate. I had sausages, onions and mushrooms for dinner – it was lovely, but totally not satisfying last night. So about 2hrs later, I made myself an oat/cranberry/macademia cake – again, nice, but completely not satisfying.  So I went to bed before 9 cos I just couldn't face being awake any more.

 

I slept right through til 6am, so I may have been tired, but I woke up feeling not very enthusiastic about life in general. I had a banana for brekkie cos I just CBA to actually bother doing anything about a proper breakfast. I've got some lovely soup for lunch. I'm planning on making a proper sausage casserole for dinner tonight.  So food is sorted, if a bit less than normal, but that's ok. I can live with less food today cos the effort of eating is just too much.

 

I've got some work I can bury myself in for a few hours and just ignore the outside world for a bit, that might help. When I get home tonight, I need to tidy up the flat cos I have an inspection tomorrow. I'm thinking of booking a massage or something for Friday afternoon – complete luxury, but I need to do something to snap myself out of this state I'm in.

 

I've been in with my boss this morning discussing the criteria for rating people against this redundancy malarkey – I've effectively written off two people. That's not a nice feeling. I know it's all part of being a manager, but it's still not a nice feeling. I think that more than anything is having an effect on me at the minute. I hope I get out of here soon.

 

Today, I want to go home feeling happy. Is that so difficult? I want to go home and feel energetic. I want to go home and achieve something. I want to be able to look the evening in the eye and face it head on. I want to have a life. I don't want to turn into a couch potato. Although I suspect I'm half way there.

 

Aims for tonight:

-       Put casserole on as soon as get in

-       Tidy kitchen, bathroom and living room

-       Do washing up

-       Go for a walk

 

All really simple right? So why is it so difficult to even get started on these!!!