I hate work

I've spent the last few days staring at an excel spreadsheet that just won't work. At all. In the end, the problem wasn't me, it was a stupid bloody automatic update from windows that caused the problem. Not me, not the spreadsheet, a bloody automatic update.

I was not pleased.

So tonight, I'm taking things one step at a time. I binged today in work - one of the lads had a birthday, so there were pizzas and chocolate and pasties and pork pies and I had some of them all. On the plus side, I really didn't need dinner tonight - I'm still not hungry and am feeling fairly uncomfortably full still - 8hrs later! One step at a time. I did the washing up. I put together my wardrobe.

So now, I'm going to watch How I Met Your Mother and then I'm going to empty the rack I'm using as a makeshift wardrobe right now and put my clothes in the new one. Plus there's shelves, so I hope I can get rid of the pile of clothes on the floor as well. I think I need to get rid of more clothes cos there's loads still there, but I'm fed up of decluttering so just getting them all off the floor will be enough for now.

And then I'm going to have a shower. My personal hygiene is really suffering at the minute and it's not fair on those around me. The fact is, I just can't be bothered with washing, same as I can't be bothered with eating, or doing the washing up, or keeping the house tidy, or making sure i have clean clothes or any of the normal niceties of life. I just want to hide away in my cave and not have to deal with people.

I'm having the cutting-out-my-stomach-fat fantasties again. Doc says it's nothing to worry about and it shows I am prepared to lose weight, but frankly, I'm not losing weight and my actions are telling me I don't want to either. So what's going on? I don't know, and really, I'm not sure I want to. I just wish my problems were easily solved. I know they're not huge problems, and I know I can solve them, I jsut want to be happy and content and I'm not. And I'm fed up with being told I'm ok - I'm NOT ok. If I were ok, I wouldn't be thinking about cutting open my stomach!!!

So tonight, I'm putting my clothes in a proper wardrobe if a very cheap one and then, I'm going to have a bath and then a shower. And then I'm going to bed. That's final :)