This has been getting worse for the last few weeks. I've been feeling
more and more tired, despite doing all the good things like making sure I
have a proper bedtime routine, getting enough sleep, getting fresh air,
eating a reasonably balanced diet, all the rest.
But last night
I had a breakdown with Al and this morning I just want to curl up into
bed and stay there til the world goes away. I don't want to be in work. I
don't want to eat. I don't want to have to dress and wash and do all
those normal adult things. I just want to get into bed, curl into a ball
and stay there until everything just GOES AWAY.
The worst part
of it is, I'm meant to be so happy right now. I hate thinking I should
be happy - there's lots in my life I'm not happy about, and I am working
to change them, but it's all so so so slow and none of it will really
change for at least 18months or more.
I just want to opt out of
it all. I'm not suicidal, I don't meant that, I just want to curl up and
be left alone and just have quiet and dark and peace.
Struggling
not to cry in work and it's for no good reason. No reason at all other
than I feel like there's this huge wave of - something - hovering over
me and it's all about to come crashing down.......
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