Stop the world I want to get off

This has been getting worse for the last few weeks. I've been feeling more and more tired, despite doing all the good things like making sure I have a proper bedtime routine, getting enough sleep, getting fresh air, eating a reasonably balanced diet, all the rest.

But last night I had a breakdown with Al and this morning I just want to curl up into bed and stay there til the world goes away. I don't want to be in work. I don't want to eat. I don't want to have to dress and wash and do all those normal adult things. I just want to get into bed, curl into a ball and stay there until everything just GOES AWAY.

The worst part of it is, I'm meant to be so happy right now. I hate thinking I should be happy - there's lots in my life I'm not happy about, and I am working to change them, but it's all so so so slow and none of it will really change for at least 18months or more.

I just want to opt out of it all. I'm not suicidal, I don't meant that, I just want to curl up and be left alone and just have quiet and dark and peace.

Struggling not to cry in work and it's for no good reason. No reason at all other than I feel like there's this huge wave of - something -  hovering over me and it's all about to come crashing down.......

Low leverl misery

It’s another day in work. There’s sunshine outside, I can see it!! But I’m in the office and something is stopping me from leaving it. I don’t know why. OK it is freezing out there (not an exaggeration for a change!!) but I can wrap up warm. I can evacuate. What on earth is wrong with me?

I can see the depression sneaking in along with the cold that is trying a sneak attack at the minute as well. I haven’t felt well for a few weeks now. Something’s going on. Sore ears, filling nose, nose bleeds, headaches, stomach not working right. What’s going on?

It could be stress I suppose and I need to have a look at that, but I really shouldn’t be stressed. There’s nothing to really stress me about! I have work going on, I am getting through it, I am getting to where it needs to be slowly, slowly.

I’m losing weight – again slowly, slowly. Not sure what’s going on with that, but it’s working so I’m not being too upset with it. I’m not worrying about food either – things are moving along basically.

Maybe I just need to snap out of it. If I go home at lunchtime, pick up my mp3 player and just go for a walk to get it all out of my system, that might help. Just something to get the blood moving and the heart pumping and move for a bit.  Get moving, get pumping, something to lift the spirits!

Long time

Well by now anyone who reads this blog knows when I'm not writing it normally means somethings come up. This time it was a bout of depression. I didn't even recognise it at first, which was annoying, I only knew I was sleeping a lot, not feeling very energetic, eating all starchy, carby, fatty food and feeling extremely tearful. In fact on several occasions I was crying with Al asking what was going on and me not being able to tell him what was wrong.

It got a bit better this week. I forced myself out to a bootcamp in Cambridge on Monday (check it out: Supreme Fitness ) and I felt a lot better afterwards. I was annoyed with myself at how little I could do but at least I did something. There was meant to be a repeat performance last night, but the instructor had a death in the family so watch this space.

I've also been wondering why I've been having such bad headaches all week as well - it's at least partly because of the concrete cutting going on outside the office. It's this horrible, continuous, irritating, nerve-grating noise and it just won't stop. I've been told it should be complete by Monday. I really hope so, or I'm taking a few days off. I can't keep going like this.

I've had two nose bleeds today and me ears feel like they're about to pop with all the pressure on them.

So I'm down again today.

On the other hand, I'm off to visit a friend of mine at the weekend so that will be fun and I managed a very quick conversation with another friend on the phone. So all is not lost. Plus I got my first delivery today from Well Hung Meat Company and the meat looks good. Reasonable prices as well and the quality looks a lot better than I'd get in the supermarket for the same price.

So, home tonight and probably straight to bed. Feeling awful with all the noise.