Chirpy Thursday

Shock, shock, horror, horror…..

I’m wearing a dress!!!  

With inch thick black tights and some cheap Asda black flat shoes and a black cardie. It feels a lot shorter in work than at home, but it is actually respectably knee length……. It’s this one - http://www.next.co.uk/x502062s2#799322x50 and I feel good in it.

Plus, it’s not too tight and is on the verge of being too loose. Not quite too loose though :)

Feeling good.

My face is still feeling scrubbed to within an inch of it’s life after the facial. It was lovely, but the woman really was a fanatic about skin care. Only to be expected with her job, but honestly? I’ve survived this long on a minimalist skin care routine! And crow’s feet really don’t bother me that much. Still, lovely experience. Highly recommend it – it was a living social deal dermatalogica facial. Lovely.

Dinner last night was a chicken sandwich cos we had a huge lunch. Al is suffering from a bad cold but refusing to admit it. Tried to get him to have a hot whiskey last night, but he’d only take a cold one. Doesn’t seem to remember the point of the heat and lemon. Men!

Anyway. Tomorrow I get my office all to myself since today is David’s last day! The cold air will be flowing, the furniture rearranged to my liking, all will be well in Me Land……

And I’ve given up the subscription to the weight loss site. It’s not working for me right now. Possibly time will tell and I will go back, but for now, it’s not working.  I am starting a bootcamp for exercise on Monday though. That should be fun! I drove down by the field it’s held in last night and it seems alright – everyone looked knackered but happy going home.

All good signs.

I can’t wait for the weekend to go through even more clothes for throwing out/selling/etc

The weekend shenanigans....

The weekend was eventful. To say the least.

Saturday I went on a Beyond Chocolate course on the basics of following the ten principles. Since the principles are displayed all over the website, I don’t think there’ll be a problem repeating them here, but if there is – someone tell me and I’ll take them off.

Tune in

Eat when you’re hungry

Eat what you want

Put it on a plate, sit down and focus

Enjoy

Stop when you’re satisfied

Own your body

Move

Support yourself

Be your own Guru

I made a commitment on Saturday at the workshop to Support Myself by talking to Al about the experience and what it meant and why I’d be doing apparently crazy things over the next while. I tried to talk to him Sat night, but honestly, the emotions from the day were still far too high and I was way too tired and emotional to talk rationally.

Even something as stupid as the fact that there were two parcels waiting for me at the post office was enough to start me snarling.

So I eventually took myself to bed, after eating the majority of a box of Guylian chocolates, feeling very sorry for myself and had a bit of a cry before going to sleep.

Sunday, I woke up early and went to watch some telly, but went back to bed about half nine and zoned in and out of dreams and nightmares for most of the morning. I eventually called it quits at half 12 and got up properly. I spent most of the day eating – M&M’s, Revels, bought stuffing from Sainsburys, ditto chicken thighs, ditto potato wedges, coleslaw sandwich, tomato sandwich, jarlsberg cheese………and 8 meringue nests.

OK I looked after myself as well – I was still feeling very raw and emotional, but I spoke to Al. He was as supportive as he always is and was asking how he should act, behave, help,  whatever. We talked about things might change about the place – things like the stocking up thing that I might start on in the next few weeks. He is so helpful and he loves me and hates to see me upset……After all that, I put on Mystic Pizza followed by The Spinal Tap, which was weird, but fairly good fun, then Grease came on……it was a good night. I woke up this morning feeling better than I have done in a while.

I had a shower before work and am wearing some of the new gear from Next (this and this) which is making me feel really good about myself. Tonight, I’m going home from work early to get started on the clothes side of things. I need to do a massive clearout and only have things in my wardrobe that fit and that I enjoy wearing. I know I keep saying it, but today I’m going to do it – not least because with the in-laws arriving on Thursday, I need to tidy the house out!!

I’ve not eaten yet today. I tuned in this morning and I am full. I’m actually full to the point of sickness, even after a night’s sleep, so no need to eat just yet. I may or may not eat at lunch, I will see how I feel. But for now – I’m full.

Sad times

My godson’s brother’s third birthday was yesterday. It was a very sad day. Y’see  the child passed away (cot death) two years ago. He didn’t live to see his first birthday. It’s funny, my friend gets sad on the anniversary of his death, but it’s his birthday that really hits her hard. It’s the passing of the milestones, comparing what his progress might have been compared to his brothers.

She has three living sons, a good partner who is now being called Dad by the other three, a group of friends, some of whom have also lost children, surrounding her and supporting her……..

But this time of year is such a sad time for her, my heart bleeds. I want to help, even though there’s nothing I can do. I want to be there, but it’s not possible with a 4hr drive each way. I want to do something.

But then I remember it’s not about me and what I want. As long as she’s ok, that’s what’s important.

It has made me get out the calendar and start planning in when I can make a trip down there though. The godson’s birthday is in November; that would be a good excuse.

In the meantime, just keep praying for her and for Tobi and trying to make sure I’m at the end of a phone if needed.

Not-a-wet Wednesday

Things went not so well. Was 1260cals over yesterday. Early morning carbs, KFC lunch, then full dinner. Feeling very full today though so hopefully can reduce that a bit. Plus of course there was the underspend on Monday.

 

Other than that – have the books packaged up and ready to be sent off to amazon and webuybooks.co.uk. Between them I will have enough to get a good quality TV stand and I can start rearranging the living room to accommodate a study space for myself.

 

Al was on a flat zone last night – poor thing – so I cooked again. But that meant I wasn’t doing other things. I’ve decided the living room is gone beyond ‘comfortably messy’ and is verging into ‘depressingly slobby’ now, so it needs addressing. Still haven’t come up with anything to do with old OU books – at the minute I may just crate them up and put them somewhere out of sight……..

 

Today – breakfast was a banana and an aero, so could have been better, but could have been a lot worse.

 

Lunch will be yoghurt and fruit, dinner will be a repeat of last night’s beef tagine with couscous. The dinner wasn’t actually high in cals at all, it was all the other stuff that caused the problems.

 

So, on with work and getting my brain in gear.

 

Rang the gym to find out how to get a replacement gym card – I just pop in and it costs £2. That’s not exactly horrendous, so will do that at lunch time. Then no more excuses on the gym front. None. I will start walking again, but the cross trainer will be an easier route into it methinks!!

More nightmares......but moving on

OK today is a good one. I may have had far too little sleep again (nightmares this time!) but that’s ok. I can still cope with life after missing some sleep. I had a breakfast high in carbs and fat and am now feeling a lot better.

I took the chance last night to empty one of my ‘textbook’ bookshelves and between amazon’s trade-in scheme and webuybooks.co.uk, I may make up to £50. Of course that was the cost of one of the books when they were new, but they’re mostly over 10yrs old now and I’m not going to use them again, so no point in keeping them. Plus that money can go towards a few things I’d like to get in the house once I have the space cleared.

Going to go to post office and lunch time to get some packing materials and then off we go.

Aside from that – Al was feeling unloved last night so I cooked dinner and ended up 400cals under for the day. Another reason I don’t feel too bad about breakfast today! I’m sure I’ve logged everything and got all the weights and things right, but the numbers are adding up to ~1200cals. Maybe it was just one of those days.

Training session this morning on hazard awareness. Yippee. I could probably teach the class at this point, but it’s gotta be done.

Found out yesterday they’ve changed the format of the chartership report I need to write for the IMechE to prove to them I’ve achieved all I need to on chartership. It’s both easier and harder if that makes sense – less room for waffle but more focussed ‘bursts’ of info and a tighter frame of reference. I should have a first draft for next week for the boss either way.

So for today: post office at lunch time. After work, pack up books and clear off the rest of those shelves. Decide what to do with old open uni books. Cook dinner (gonna be beef stir fry with noodles tonight). Load Al’s car for him for the morning. (To take big boxes to the post office for me!)

Oh and finally managed to arrange with npower to have the gas/elec changed over to normal meters and not prepay meters!!!

Weirdly, despite the lack of sleep – life feels good right now.

Plus if I can get rid of that bookshelf, it’s one more area for clutter not to accumulate!! Maybe an ebay session this weekend?

Another moaning Monday

OK mixed feelings this morning.

On the one hand, I lost a pound. Well the scales said I lost a pound: since only records whole numbers, this could mean anything from I went from 19st 6.6 to 19st 6,4 to I went from 19st 7.4 to 19st 5.6. Either way, I am now recording 19.st 6lbs. I’m taking it at face value and saying I lost a pound and frankly, feeling quite happy about that.

On the other hand – I slept like a baby with colic last night. I think Al and I were feeding off each other: I’d wake up and then doze, then I’d feel him wake up and try and pretend to sleep, but he’d know I was pretending, so he’d pretend, then we’d both doze again for a bit, then it would all start again……..Needless to say, the brain isn’t working very well this morning.

Other good news: I’ve managed to change the in-laws visit to when it suits me :) Well to a weekend it suits me slightly more than the one they originally picked anyway. I’m still away on the Saturday, but it’s a shorter course and I should be back home by a reasonable hour that night.

Aside from that – I had my planned shopping trip on Sat into Cambridge. I bought a loaf of bread and some banana bread. I got in there and all the shops or clothes I wanted to try on were way too expensive and it was too hot really to bother, especially since I wanted winter clothes and it was something like 20C outside. So I passed on the clothes shopping. I even managed to get in and out of Waterstones without spending money!! Miracles, of miracles, if this keeps up I may not get charged for going over my overdraft limit this month!!

Al’s starting to look for permanent jobs today. He’s off to Tesco’s this morning cos they’re looking for shelfstackers – not a permanent thing, but a job and one that will get him out of the house on a regular basis. And he’s applied for a part time permanent post just the other side of Cambridge as well as an Art Teacher. If he got that we would be so comfortable it would be unreal!! :)

Other than that – the weekend was spent lying on a lounger in the garden, reading Mercedes Lackey books. I’m going through her Valdemar series right now and really enjoying the trip down memory lane.

I really enjoyed just lying there and not doing anything but I fear it will become a way of life if I let it go on. I need to be proactive on certain things. The house needs a good clean. Not only would it be good exercise, but it would make things easier for us as well. At the minute, the clutter is taking over again and we need a good clearout. I think I will check some of my old textbooks on amazon to see if any of them are work money – some of them I will never use again hopefully, so they’re just cluttering up the place.

I also need to assign a study space for myself. It doesn’t have to be large, just a place I can study undisturbed for the coming 12months. The books for my next course arrived on Friday and it’s reminded how much easier things are when I have a defined space for these things. I have an idea how I can do it but it may need to wait til after payday to sort it all out.

Tired baby

Today is a ‘tired’ day so my brain is going all over the place. All my own fault mind, nothing to do with anyone else.

I spent most of yesterday in bed. Pretty much zero activity all day. Same could be said for Saturday. The most energy I expended was walking up and down the stairs a few times. Add in to that two meals eaten out this weekend and two takeaways, along with a LOT of Toblerone and no exercise……well it’s no wonder I’m confused in myself this morning.

Positives this morning.

1)      I got up on time

2)      I had a shower last night before bed

3)      I am dressed properly for work

4)      I had a sensible breakfast (banana, yoghurt and honey), eaten at a table

5)      I listened to myself yesterday and allowed myself a cry and a bath

6)      I was on time for work.

7)      I’ve ‘done’ my hair.

8)      I changed the bed this morning.

9)      I’m wearing proper shoes to work, not flip-flops.

10)   I’m at my desk, sitting upright and semi functional.

It was after midnight last night when I eventually got to sleep. Not really surprising since I was in bed most of the day, but disconcerting and my body clock is a bit messed up today. Also, when I stepped on the scales, I had put the scale back to stones rather than kilos and that was a bit of a shock. 19st 7lbs. That’s a lot. Actually, that’s more than a lot. That’s massive really. It’s something needs to be done time.

But not this morning. I’ve made a start, had a breakfast and didn’t stop in tesco’s on the way into work. I’m going home for lunch and will see about pasta and a tomato based sauce. Al is going shopping today for the week so will have food for this evening.

Aim for today:

-         Drink  2 litres of water.

-         Eat three meals and stop.

-         Go for a walk after work.

That will be enough. No energy to think of anything more. Is LighterLife the way forward? By Christmas, I could be 15stone with them…….with WLR I could be 17stone. It’s still 2.5stone. But it’s not 4.5stone………

Slow and steady, that’s all I can do. I know that. Settle into a routine and keep putting one foot in front of the other………