Compliments

One of the ladies in my office just complimented me on my choice of cardigan today. Initially, I just shrugged saying it was part of the top I was wearing (wonderful two-in-one jobbie from Next, similar to item 836-693-GX3). She looked almost offended and I remembered to smile and say thank you.

Accepting a compliment is hard. I’ll admit it. For many years, I’d brush them off, just as I did this morning, thinking the person offering this positive view of me or my accomplishments was either incorrect or wanted something.

These days, I try and take a different view. Try being the operative word in that sentence. Of course from  Yoda to Richard Bandler people say that there is no ‘try’. You either do something or you don’t. Using ‘try’ is a get-out clause!

I’m counting today a success. OK it wasn’t done straight away, but the ‘thank you’ and the smile came eventually. Accepting compliments was not something that was taught to me as a child. Modesty and humility forbad ever assuming the person complimenting you was right! I saw my mother, time and time again, after spending hours slaving over a nice dinner for visitors, brush off compliments with a ‘Oh it’s nothing’ or ’Sure it’s only a small thing’.

I learned, through both direct lessons and observation, that accepting a compliment was a difficult thing. Humility is meant to be at the heart of us all. Being proud is wrong. Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins  after all. Not even just a minor venial sin, a cardinal one! Accepting a compliment might be a sign of pride. And yet, we’re told to take pride: pride in ourselves, pride in our work, pride in our families. No wonder I’m so mixed up!

It’s a long way from a childhood blushing because someone told me I had a pretty dress on (it was my Communion Day, possibly the only time below the age of 12 I remember wearing a dress, but it was white and silky, they were sort of obliged to say it was nice!) to smiling and saying thank you to a co-worker for noticing I was wearing a nice top.

Acceptance of oneself, just as one is, is one of the tenets of Beyond Chocolate. It also seems to tie in with NLP and other practices I’ve been investigating over the last while. I find it easy to accept my faults – I’m quick tempered, I’ve got a foul mouth at times, I find it difficult to concentrate on one task for periods of time, I take my husband for granted……………the list could go on forever. Accepting the things I’m good at? Whole other story. Even when it’s other people telling me – after all, what do they know? J