Weight again

I know -if I spent as much time working out as I do talking about weight, I'd be a size 8 by now. Still, I appear to need quite a bit of talking at the minute and well, ok, no one talks back on the blog, but equally, no one contradicts me and tells me I'm an idiot and weight loss is easy. if it was easy people, we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic!

So here we go. I've printed out a LOT of information on the best ways of setting out weight loss goals and how to achieve them. I'm going to spend the next few hours going through them and working on some specific goals for me for the short, medium and long term.

I'm going to drag my rebounder out of the corner it's been hiding in for the last few months and make the balance ball the centrepiece it used to be. That's three things to do tonight. I don't like being the size of a house. I don't like having to buy clothes in big woman shops. I don't like having to make excuses and constantly battling myself and other people to maintain some self esteem and self confidence.

So a short post tonight - but I have other things to do - I have to get cracking on this weight loss malarkey or I will never be a size 14 again!

Le weekend

Well OK technically my weekend started last night, but it feels like tonight's Friday night all the same. Last night I met a friend for a good long gossip and dinner - it was great. I felt really good and we had a brilliant natter.

Then this morning I got up early enough to move the car before the evil Satanspawn that is the local traffic warden gets up and to put the bins out. Then  I went back to bed for the rest of the morning. Gym at one where my darling PT tried his best to kill me - he was extremely impressed that he managed to get a 'fucking hell' out of me after one particularly tough set of deadlifts. It's nice to please one's trainer every now and again. Still, I can already feel my muscles tensing up so the choice of clothes for tomorrow is based loosely around the premise that I won't be capable of moving my arms at all.......

After that, I pretty much didn't do anything all day. Well that's not true. I caught up with my correspondance, I did a couple loads of laundry, I folded and put away all the dry clothes, I did the washing up, I cooked two meals.......it was a lot to do even if it didn't feel it. So I should feel like I did good today. Plus, I did my weeks shopping for £6.06. Very proud of that. Not strong on fresh f&v but very high on frozen f&v so not too bad.

Plus I've been spending a good hour on trying on clothes for tomorrow night - I think I've got an outfit that I feel really good in plus it looks a bit dark and Gothicy as well which will stand out in the Welsh village I'm in tomorrow night. I like to stand out there cos well - I do stand out anyway, so I might as well make the most of it. It's a maroon vest with sparkly bit and a black lace top over it with a pair of black jeans. I feel good and rock-chicky in it :D

OK my back is already stiffening up so I'm thinking of hitting the bath for a good hour or so. I've got makeup in the bag, I've got jewellry on, I've got my nice shiny new engagement ring on, I feel ready for a good night out tomorrow. But I will be needing the alcohol as well. Woohoo!!

Ear infection

Not the sexiest of blog posts, I know, but that's me at the minute. The nurse I saw on Monday even couldn't see an infection but gave me an anti-inflammatory, anti bacterial ear drop thing anyway. Last night speaking to my doctor friend at home, she thought it might be a tooth problem. This morning and all day, I've had gunk coming out of my ear so the new diagnosis is burst abcess. yippee.

I've had two days off work and I'm going a bit crazy. Yesterday I slept all day when I wasn't groaning inagony on the couch. Today was much better. I'm still groaning with pain, but not agony. Plus i didn't sleep all day. I've actually been awake today and from about 3pm I was capable of being productive.

I can see the living room floor. I changed my bed (much needed after the lovely night sweats I've been having since the ear thing flared up). I've done two loads of laundry. I've folded and put away all my clean clothes. I've made up the spare room bed. I've caught up on one of my OU courses. I've hoovered the living room. I've bagged up the rubbish in most of the flat. I've cooked myself dinner. I've done the washing up. I feel pretty good about all that.

I've still got a manic headache and my ears aren't right yet, but I feel like I'm able to deal with things again. I found my anti depressants which had gone AWOL for a day or two so they're back in my system. Aim for the rest of tonight?

Make tomorrow's lunch.
Have a bath.
Lay out tomorrow's clothes.
Do at least two more exercises for the OU stuff.

That will be it. Plus the bath will help with the ears right? Heat will help draw out the infection. Plus it might help ease out more gunk - it's going all gooey and crackly as well. Sorry, TMI I know!! OK on to making tomorrow's lunch. I think I might to a packet risotto.........

I have a study table again

And one major bonus is that it is right beside the radiator so it's one of the few places in the flat right now that's warm!!!! I'm so cold it's not funny!!

I've had my soup for dinner but I'm still hungry and cold so there's a chicken breast and veg in the oven as well. After dinner the aim is to clear the other couch of clothes and fold them and put them away. Also to put on a load of laundry so things are ready for the weekend before I need to panic. If I wash today, clothes might be dry by thurs morning when I need to pack.

All in a day's work.

In other news - tonight I plan to spend an hour or two on studying again cos it felt good last night. Plus tomorrow night I'm at the gym so that will take up that time. I will at least have dinner ready for myself tomorrow night as well so I don't need to worry too much about time or energy levels.

This all seems really pedestrian and boring, I realise that, but when I think of the weekend and how lethergic and miserable I felt.....this is a huge improvement. maybe the fluoxetine is kicking in finally, maybe it's a placebo effect from my negative ion bracelet, maybe the bracelet is doing some good, or maybe because I'm eating better, I'm feeling better inside myself. either way, I prefer being this way to the horrible, awful tiredness that was me for the last few weeks!!!

Today was a good Monday

I know - shock horror right? But it was overall a good Monday. Actually it would have been a good day anyway, but it was particularly outstanding for a Monday. OK it started off rough, with me struggling to get out of bed and not managing breakfast before I left the house and not having lunch with me, but it picked up once I got to work and woke up properly.

I kept myself busy all day, so it flew by. OK so some of it was the sort of horrible, painstaking, boring crap that keeps on getting put off, but it kept my brain occupied and for the first time in AGES I didn't eat chocolate today! Bad as that sounds, this is a major move forward for me.

I've got tomorrow's lunch in the slow cooker - it will be ready about 10pm, just before bedtime - and I've tomorrow's dinner already made and waiting to be reheated. I'm feeling awake at 6:50pm for the first time in ages and I'm determined to set up my study table properly tonight as well - just as soon as the Big Bang Theory is over. This will help in many ways, not least it will herald the start of the declutter of the flat (again!!) but it will also give me a place to get started on my Challenging Obesity course for the OU and stop me having to type on my knees on the couch which is really hurting my back and arms.

I'm feeling good. I'm feeling very good. Long may it last!!!

I had high hopes for the weekend.....

.....but alas it was not to be. I've been caught up in the throes of a bad ear infection leaving me unable to do more than the basics in life. And to be honest, considering the smell of me right now, I've not even been managing the basics properly. I'm OK today, if extremely stiff after a tough gym session on Friday, so I want to get some things done.

I need to redo my CV and get it sent off to the nice man who was interested in it. I need to send it to a few places in Ireland as well. I need to get moving on jobs at home because frankly, living in England isn't helping me right now.

I also need to sort out the Professional Review report for my chartership. I've been doddering on that for so long now, it's just inertia stopping me getting on with it. I've got enough to be  a Chartered Engineer, I know I do, I just need to get it written and sorted.

Those two things mean that I need to get the living room sorted so I have a warm dry safe place to write and work. As it is, I'm thinking of taking tomorrow off work cos of the way my ear feels right now but we'll see about that. In the mean time - I need to get moving for today. I'm so tired and everything is so stiff and sore...........I could barely manage to get dress yesterday!!

In good news - and very exciting news!!! - I picked up my ring on Friday - I finally have an engagement ring!!!!! OK so I am apparently the fussiest bride-to-be ever when it comes to my engagement ring, but it was sooooooo worth the wait, I'm like a kid with a new toy with it. It's beautiful, it's wonderful, it's gorgeous and it's perfect!!!

So there's good stuff here as well. Maybe a hot bath would ease the stiffness and then I could get moving on the whole thing!!! :)

Early mornings

I don't like it when I can't wake up in the morning. It throws out my whole day. I can't get on top of things, I can't get organised for the day, I can't think straight. I dislike not starting the day with a bounce and a smile. This aching slowness isn't for me - but it's all I've got for now.

So I'm trying things that might seem a bit radical. I've got an ion bracelt - it was on a Groupon offer just after payday so I figured £10 won't go astray. It's been less than 12hrs and the effect is probably placebo......but I feel a bit better this morning. It could be that I don't have much to do, only shower and dress and go, lunch is ready from last night. It could be the anti depressants are finally starting to work. It could be coincindence and this is just a blip more than anything else. But it's giving me hope and that's importnat right now.

So - I'm off to shower.And then I'm going to get one of my bright tops to wear to work. And then I'm going to go to work and smile and be energetic and take care of all the crap I've been avoiding all week. I will do this thing. It will happen. Here I go!

I sometimes wonder...

....why I love to write. I would spend most of every day writing if I could afford to. Ok so a lot of the time it's waffle and not good for anything, but it helps me clear out my head and clarify my thoughts, it helps me deal with dreams and nightmares, it helps me deal with things.

I am currently writing quite a bit about my teenage years - not quite autobiographical, but not quite fiction either. It's sort of that grey inbetween area between memory and creation. It's like the teenager I almost wanted to be if that makes sense. I suppose the fact that I'm doing a  creative writing course at the minute is bringing the literary/fiction side out a bit more cos I'm finding outlining the daily minutae of my life a bit.....well.....boring at the minute. My life is pretty boring most of the time - it's experiences that most people could relate to - getting up, going to work, sorting chores, feeding, clothing, housework........there's very few people in this world who don't have to deal with these things. Very few.

So right now? I don't know. There's another 'God's Warrior' story coming to the fore right now along with someone who I suspect is either anorexic or a binge eater - I haven't figured out which yet, but she's definitely got food issues (not autobiographical at all then!!). I think I want to explore this part of me more and more. I like being creative, I like writing, I enjoy exercising that part of me. It gets dulled otherwise in the routine of daily life. So, I'm going to keep on writing. Now I just have to find the nice pens again in Sainsburys so my writing is mostly legible with effort as opposed to illegible regardless!!!

A good weekend!!!

I had high hopes for the weekend and it really lived up to expectations but in ways I hadn't expected. I slept in on Friday - day off work meant I didn't have to get up until I was ready, so I got up about half 8 and then dozed until 10-ish....I went into town and I saw my ring!!! It was exactly as I expected - the jewellers did such a good job and I'm so excited. So hopefully, Al's new credit card has now arrived and I can pick up the ring on Friday.

Then I toddled off into London and got myself to the hotel only to discover that the DLR was suspended Sat/Sun, so it was going to be replacement buses all weekend. Never mind, thought I, it'll be a nice way to see the capital. I didn't factor in the hangover factor on the Saturday, but never mind......

The gig on Fri night was brilliant -we really enjoyed ourselves and drank far too much followed by a manically expensive taxi ride back to the hotel - it was after 2am and we leaving the place, so no tube, but still - £30???? Thank God I don't live in London is all I say!

Sat was pretty much a wash out - it took us until one to get out of bed and til half 3 to make our way into town - although that was mainly cos of waiting for the replacement bus and then realising we were at the wrong bus stop. Not a good idea!! But we had a nice lunch in Nandos (Canary Wharf) and then Al bought himself a ukelele.......he got it into his head, I don't know why :) Still, while he was looking at ukeleles and other useful equipment, I was in heaven (in other words, Foyle's on Charing Cross Road). I was good though and didn't buy anything, but it was a close run thing.......

Sat night we watched some TV back at the hotel and had an early night - lovely!!! This morning we checked out just before 12, then went to Wagamama's in Canary Wharf for lunch (fantastic and the waitress was wonderful!!) before parting at London Bridge - me to Waterloo, him to St Pancras. I hate saying goodbye, but it just makes seeing him again all the sweeter.

Now? I'm settled in for a quiet night, probably a bath in the near future and sorting out food for the morning................ and lunch and find out what's gone off in the kitchen - I suspect the lemons, but I'm unsure. I'm so happy right now - I had a wonderful weekend, Al loves me, I love him and while we have that, we can do anything.

Tuesday was good too

I went into work in a positive frame of mind. Nothing majorly bad happened. I got a lot of stupid little jobs done that I'd been putting off so my backlog is slowly disappearing. Excellent.

I also ran my first interview this afternoon - the guy wasn't great, but I felt better after getting one under my belt. I asked all the right questions. I tried to tease out more details from him, to the best of my ability. In the end, it wasn't me that was the problem, it was the guy I was interviewing.

Tonight, I ate a decent dinner - cod in parsley sauce with mashed potatoes and carrots, with a small bit of cheese afterwards. I still haven't opened up the grapefruit yet, but I might broach that in the morning if I find the honey!!! Yeuch to it normally, but then it has been about 15yrs since I last tried it......

So, I'm tired, but ok tonight. I did some more work on my OU work today as well - it was fun - characters this week and I'm having some fun - getting out a lot of teenage angst a decade or so too late :)

I'm happy and I'm off to bed.

And oh yeah - my engagement ring is ready to be picked up, so as soon as Al gets the money side sorted I will have a ring on my finger to show I'm engaged!!! Finally!!! :)