stop. Events have conspired to leach away at that good feeling.
Last night, in hypnotherapy, I had a bit of a surprise. I had thought I was ok
with certain things, but it all bubbled up yesterday evening. I was ill on
Monday/Tuesday. Most people think it was a tummy bug – and it was of a sort –
but it was definitely self inflicted. I ate until I was sick. Purposefully, I
kept on eating and eating and eating. It meant I wasn't able for work on
Tuesday, I was too ill. Yesterday was a recovery day but I still ate too much
and felt sick going to therapy. When she asked me how I was, well it all came
out.
I'd thought it was about Dad going back, but it wasn't, it was me being angry. I
was angry at Al mostly but there's something else there I don't want to
acknowledge yet – not that I won't say, but my subconscious won't let me
consider it yet.
I'm really really angry at Al. So angry, I'm starting to doubt whether we should
marry at all really. It depends on how he's prepared to talk to me about it
all.......
All in all, after a good chat with the therapist last night, I felt better and
went to bed to sleep the sleep of the righteous :) I woke up this morning
feeling groggy but good. I was prepared to come in and do a good days work. I
started well. I was getting through things fairly well. I was progressing.
But I just almost lost the cool, in a serious way, towards someone in the
office, who while he is irritating is mostly harmless. But I feel like I could
really yell and scream at him now. Just stupid things that really don't matter
at all.......
Time for pick me up I think. Fill up the water bottle, spend a few mins
fantasising about what I'd like to do this weekend (involving a romantic weekend
away with Al and some nice scenery etc) then back to the grindstone.......
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