bit of a melt down......

I had a bit of a melt down last night. I'm cuirrently 4stone over my previous 'highest ever weight'. This means I really have 8stone to lose to get back to something like normality. This means I am not happy.

I still want to focus on nutrition and fitness rather than weight, because the weight is really depressing me and I think that the times I have focussed on weight loss, I've developed some very bad eating habits, to the point where several people have suggest the word eating disorder to me. I don't think it's that bad, but there's certainly a tendency to unhealthy behaviours there.

I've had a thought last night - I eat a lot more when I'm on my own than when I'm with people, so for me that means I need to eat more with people. Unfortunately living on my own this proves difficult. Eating out every night isn't an option either, cos of cost. Any ideas anyone has on how to pretend to myself I'm eatin with people and not on my own would be gratefully received.

I'm not giving up completely though. I'm bringing my swimming gear with me to work so I can pop in to the pool on the way home - there's a fmaily swim on until 5pm so if I leave it until half past, most of those should be gone.....A good long swim will at least take up time when I can't eat tonight, as well as wracking up exercise cals.............

And I'm wearing yellow socks today as well so that is a good thing.