Mondayitis

I find myself really struggling in work this morning. The weekend was ok – not fantastic, but ok. Al was down and we had a really slow lazy weekend – lots of drinking and sleeping. OK something we both probably needed but it just leaves me with that much more work to do. I'm looking at ways I can cut down on anything I use for the next few weeks. Thinking of things like how few clothes can I actually survive on for two weeks and how little food can I get away with, that sort of malarkey. I'm even look at something like Jenny Craig for two weeks to see if that would work better either. They've an offer on at the minute……

 

But I don't have a microwave. On the other hand, it might be an idea to get a microwave and have done with it. I've been living without one for almost a year now and it's fine but it would be handy to have one.

 

I'm also looking at getting a freeview box. I don't want to take out another contract for tv when Al has one and it will only be for two months. Plus buying a freeview box means I will have telly straight away in the new house rather than having to wait for several weeks. It will make things a bit easier with Mam and Dad for the weekend as well.

 

Today? Healthwise? I'm not well. A weekend of being an idiot with drink and sleep and food means I'm sluggish and miserable today. I've got an earache I'm almost certain is connected to hayfever, a headache that appears to be tension related and a tummy that is generally not happy. I need more water and I need to get some now, but it's a walk to the water bottle and I'm not in a moving mood. Could do with a few days off really, but it's not going to happen. So plan for today – get through the day. Just get through it. I bought lunch earlier – chicken salad - and I can fairly guarantee there will be chocolate at some point. I'm ignoring emails from certain people cos I can't be dealing with their issues today. I need some time to focus on my own issues. OK I'm not dying or anything but I am going through yet another period of change and I need to look at that.

 

So the aim for tonight is to get home, get the flat tidied up. Use the boxes I got at the weekend to pack up the last of the books. Stack in the spare room. Sorted. After that it will be the knick-knacks around the place, carefully packed away in small boxes and stacked neatly. After that, well we'll see. I'll be impressed if things get that far to be honest.

 

And I've just filled my water bottle again, so hopefully this headache will sort itself out now.

Life and all the rest

It's been a manic few weeks. I've finally managed to lose that bloat from over the last few weeks, although tonight's dominos probably didn't help matters. Still, I'm under cals for the day thanks to an hours walking so all is good.

I've got three weeks left in the place I'm working and then I'm off to the new place. Just trying to get the place packed up now. Have a new house picked out and signed for and everything which is nice. Just need to convince talktalk that I want to move house now. It will be fine. It will all be fine. I'm sure it will!!!

Got a lot to fit in and not a lot of time to get it all sorted so I'm a bit stressed but hey ho I can live with that.

Booked the honeymoon last night. That was fun. Credit card's maxed out right now, but that's ok, we can manage with that for a while longer! A full two week's holiday - ssuch bliss!!!

OK I'm tired now, I need to sleep a while. I know it's only 8pm but I'm sleeping a lot lately. It just keeps sneaking up on me. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know. we'll see. I hope not - can't think of anything that might be wrong where I'd be sleeping a lot......any ideas welcome!!

Rape.....or not?

There is an interesting discussion today on a forum I post on fairly regularly. Someone posting asking who was in the wrong in a situation where a boy and girl are out drinking – ok to be politically correct, a man and woman are out drinking. Both have had a bit to drink and the female is flirting outrageously with the male. The male takes her up on the offer and tries to get her to go home with him. Both friends are now upset, the female in particular feeling that she can no longer trust this man.

 

I've got to admit, I feel a bit of sympathy for the poor man in this scenario. He didn't take her home, although from the reports, he could easily have done. He could have pushed things a lot further and still be in the right side of the law. From what I understand, there was no kissing, never mind anything else. But someone on the forum has said that this is only one step away from rape.

 

Now to my mind, this is completely not rape. I've been raped and I've been in the situation above as well. The two are very different. It is only rape if the woman says no and is ignored, or is not in a state to say no. I would say if she'd been flirting with him all night, then it might be reasonable for him to suspect she might be interested in something other than hand holding. Nothing bad actually happened to her. Both parties had drink taken and judgements were impaired. That's life. If you want to avoid these situations, then don't drink so much you no longer have control over your actions.

 

I spent a long time drunk. My later teen years at the weekends and in the holidays the aim was to get as drunk as possible on as little money as possible. My college years have long since disappeared in a haze of alcohol induced fog. I have woken up countless times in a strange bed with a stranger beside me. I've woken up in my own bed countless times with no memory of how I got there and no idea how much time has passed. I've had friends who have been there to pick up the pieces after a major binge and I've had friends who have tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to stop me from doing stupid things when I'm drunk. I drank to forget the banality of life mainly and I've often been in the situation where someone has tried something on that I've not been into. Sometimes I've gone along cos I couldn't be bothered saying no, other times I've not gone along. I don't consider either case rape.

 

These days, I don't tend to drink so much and even when I do, I hold my drink better and I act with slightly, very slightly, more decorum. And of course these days, when I do get rat-arsed, my fiancé is nearly always on hand to look after me. I'm lucky.

 

But of all those lads I woke up next to? Well for all I know, I raped them and not the other way around. My memories are that sparse that the only comment I can make is that I caught no diseases, I didn't get pregnant, and any injuries or hurts I received, I took as my due for my behaviour. Maybe it's right, maybe it's wrong. But that's the way my brain works. And the best thing I ever did was finding the self-confidence to know that regardless of what's going on, I don't need that drink to socialise and that saying NO isn't being a prick tease.

 

Young women drink, and drink to excess. We as a society have to either deal with this or brush it under the carpet. But don't blame the young men who are also drinking for sexual acts when there is no way either party was particularly in control.

Dopiness

I'm having a dopey day. I need to shower, wash my hair, have a good scrub in general, but this morning I was far too dopey to risk a shower. I barely managed to turn the cooker off before I left the house. So in this state I decided to tackle the last part of the final assignment for an OU course I'm doing. I'm not sure how well I did, but it's done now and it's one more thing off the to-do list.

 

I still feel really tired though. Or not tired, more like sleepy. Maybe I don't have enough air in here. I have drunk a litre of water already today, but maybe I need more. Last night I had an extremely bad attack of diarrhoea which really exhausted me. Of course, the banoffee pie I had for dinner didn't help matters, but I suspect the diarrhoea was prompted more by something else. I'm not sure what yet, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

 

It still leaves me with the problem of the tiredness. I want to get the place good and tidy tonight. I won't be back in the house after tomorrow morning so tonight is the best time to get things ready for arriving back on Monday. So I've written out a to-do list and I'm working my way through as much as possible in work – I've a fair bit of paperwork to get through and I'm motoring through it really. I've got the assignment handed in as I said above. I'm going to start researching some publications for the next creative writing assignment cos that is going to be handed in around the time I'm moving house.

 

That reminds me – if anyone lives near Haverhill and has any advice for me moving there – shout up J I've been fantasy house shopping this morning as well. There're some really nice houses in that area. Still, I've got a month yet. It will be ok. And Al and I are going to drive around the area this weekend to see what sort of place it is and all the rest. I'm looking forward this weekend really. I want to spend some time with Al and it will be fun driving around looking at places. I may try and arrange some viewings but I doubt it will be possible with the bank holidays going on. Still four days I'm not in work will be good.

 

3hrs 16mins left in work. I have become a clock watcher in the last few months. Maybe in the next place I can be happy and enjoy my work again. It's weird that my boss is being so sad to let me go – he's never shown this much appreciation for me before……of course he's also told me not to ask for a reference for six months or so………we'll see……

 

I've spent a lot of the day trying to sit in a position that allows my neck to be held properly to help this nerve that is being pinched. I've had pain in my shoulder for more than a month now so it is something, but the physio yesterday seemed to think I was fine and I am very strong, (Woohoo!! All those weight paying off!!) so she's not worried, just wants to see me again. Also she wants me to let people touch my neck and shoulders so I get used to it – apparently I'm flinching with the weight of her hand on my shoulder blades and I shouldn't be doing that.

 

It feels weird sitting this far back from the pc, but if this is what it takes to maintain strength in my neck, then that's what it takes. I can get used to it. My shoulder doesn't feel any worse today, so whatever I'm trying isn't causing more pain. I think I need to look at strengthening my back as well – I'm getting a few aches and pains there as well.

 

Maybe I'm falling apart at the age of 31…..now that is a depressing thought!!!