I have to read while eating

This is something I semi-regularly pick up on and swear to do something about, but then forget about again. I remember as a kid, reading/books/stories were used to distract me from eating. I think I was a slow eater or maybe I just didn't like to have to eat or something, but when Dad read to me while I was having breakfast, it distracted me to allow him to get on with it.

 

It's weird, to this day, I will preferably read while eating – even in company, even when it is company I enjoy, I yearn for a book when eating. Somehow those two activities have become joined in my brain.  It's something I need to separate, but I find it difficult. Eating is basically, well, boring for me. The action of putting food in my mouth, chewing, swallowing and repeating the sequence is plain boring. The food could be lovely, it can be full of flavour, it can be cooked by the best cooks/chefs the world can supply. The fact remains, I find the whole thing boring.

 

 

My mind doesn't like to dwell on the fact that I'm eating. It does anything and everything to tell me I'm not eating, not really. I wonder if it is something to do with all those years I was on diet after diet, after diet, after diet........and my brain was trying to get food into me without telling me about it? Last night, I made myself a lovely omelette with onions and peppers. It tasted really nice. I sat at the table to eat it, having specially laid a place, put down a place mat, etc, etc, deliberately left my book in the other room.....only to find I had finished the omelette with a book in my hand and no memory of how it got there or of eating my meal. This is obviously something my subconscious feels I need to continue doing, possibly from years of trying to eat food that tasted like cardboard in various attempts to lose weight.

 

 

So where do I go from here? Well I will persevere with my quest to eat my dinner while concentrating on the food. Lunch is a bit of a lost cause, since I eat at my desk and no one else is around for lunch with whom I could share the meal with. Breakfast is an affair that can't really be called a meal, since it is normally rushed, but if I get dinner under control, then I can start addressing my morning routine. The morning routine is something I want to change anyway, so it's not a huge step forward.

 

 

Tonight, I will put some music on, one of my favourite CD's, as I am eating my dinner and see what effect that has. I wonder if my tastebuds have become blunted over the years?

waiting in for talktalk

It constantly amazes me how much bad customer service I'm prepared to put up with. I'm currently waiting in for an entire afternoon so they can come and connect my phone. I'm 90% certain they don't actually need access to the house to connect me, but they can't possibly attempt to connect me without access.

Anyway, on to other things. The good thing about waiting in for talktalk is i have the excuse to veg. I'm already doing something - waiting in for talktalk - and I don't have to multitask at home right? So I'm catfching up on TV shows I missed during the week, catching up on reading my mags that I love and making plans to actually do some of the things in them.......

So tonight, it's a takeaway and a night of telly, tomorrow it will be a trip to the seaside I think, I have a yearning to see some water, and Sunday will be quiet time..... :)

Another week down.....

I've been on antibiotics now for nearly a week. Thankfully they will be gone
tomorrow. They're the serious kind that make me nauseous, irritable, ill and
lethargic. All of which added up to a week in which things didn't really happen.
 
 
Points I could improve on:
The kitchen stinks. I've been putting off getting a new kitchen bin, using all
sorts of excuses, but the fact is that my bin now needs to hold a full weeks
waste and the one I have is far too small. So it needs to be replaced. A stop by
argos on the way home I think.
 
 
The washing up hasn't been done since the beginning of the week. Despite my best
efforts at making the kitchen a hospitable place to eat, I'm not eating in
there. This could be linked to the point above, but I'm not sure. So this
evening, I'm doing the washing up, I'm drying everything up and I'm putting
everything away. I'm sorting out the counter space as well and getting rid of
the non-working microwave while I'm at it. If I get the correct bin, it will fit
in one of the tall cupboards so that will be one thing out of the way and with
the counter space clear I can put the fruit and veg on the counter as well.
 
 
My clothes this week have been hit and miss as well – mainly because I haven't
unpacked properly yet. I've been unpacking as I need to, so this weekend I will
sort this.
 
 
Points that have been good though.
 
 
I made it to my tutorial last night and really enjoyed it. I was wearing my
black gypsy skirt and new purple top and felt good. I also walked there any back
which helped I think. It made me feel good and Eminem and Stone Temple Pilots
helped keep the pace up.

 
 
I didn't take any time off work. This is important since these antibiotics are
horrible and I'm really struggling with them. So, not taking time off work is an
achievement.

 
 
I prepared for the tutorial as well and I'm now in a position to tackle Q1 of
the TMA this weekend. If I want – it's not due in for a month, so it will be
revisited, but that's good for me.
 
 
So all in all, not a desperate week, but definitely room for improvement. I'm
feeling better in myself right now, aside from the nausea, I just need to keep
the optimism going! Roll on lunchtime tomorrow – I may have a landline again
then as well :)

What a difference a day makes......

I felt pretty good when I got up this morning. More than that, I felt good, full
stop. Events have conspired to leach away at that good feeling.
 
Last night, in hypnotherapy, I had a bit of a surprise. I had thought I was ok
with certain things, but it all bubbled up yesterday evening. I was ill on
Monday/Tuesday. Most people think it was a tummy bug – and it was of a sort –
but it was definitely self inflicted. I ate until I was sick. Purposefully, I
kept on eating and eating and eating. It meant I wasn't able for work on
Tuesday, I was too ill. Yesterday was a recovery day but I still ate too much
and felt sick going to therapy. When she asked me how I was, well it all came
out.

 
I'd thought it was about Dad going back, but it wasn't, it was me being angry. I
was angry at Al mostly but there's something else there I don't want to
acknowledge yet – not that I won't say, but my subconscious won't let me
consider it yet.
 
I'm really really angry at Al. So angry, I'm starting to doubt whether we should
marry at all really. It depends on how he's prepared to talk to me about it
all.......
 
All in all, after a good chat with the therapist last night, I felt better and
went to bed to sleep the sleep of the righteous :) I woke up this morning
feeling groggy but good. I was prepared to come in and do a good days work. I
started well. I was getting through things fairly well. I was progressing.

 
But I just almost lost the cool, in a serious way, towards someone in the
office, who while he is irritating is mostly harmless. But I feel like I could
really yell and scream at him now.  Just stupid things that really don't matter
at all.......
 
Time for pick me up I think. Fill up the water bottle, spend a few mins
fantasising about what I'd like to do this weekend (involving a romantic weekend
away with Al and some nice scenery etc) then back to the grindstone.......